Tips and Resources # 19

Inappropriate and unproductive values

YOUR CHILD IS WATCHING TO SEE THIS:

How important living in congruence with your stated values is to you. Your child may not be aware of this ongoing process, but this information is surely stored in their minds and used as they mature into adulthood. Following the five Tips listed below are product reviews, testimonials or product descriptions as resources for you.

Tip #1: How you condition yourself to learn, to grow, and to face your frailty when dealing with inevitable failures.

The Way of Failure: Winning Through Losing . This self-help book takes the road less traveled. Rather than showing how to overcome failure, psychotherapist Caplan (Halfway Up the Mountain, LJ 7/15/99) teaches people how to embrace it. According to her, Americans measure their whole lives by striving for more, whether more success, more money, higher status, or better jobs. Failure happens when expectations and outcomes diverge; everyone fails. Life cycles into a series of gains and losses that may not balance out. But, by stripping away all of the fantasy with failure, one is left with the humility and clarity to move forward to success again.

Coping Skills Interventions for Children and Adolescents . This book provides a wide range of coping skills interventions for helping children learn to handle everyday stress and deal better with academic, interpersonal, and physical demands both in and out of the classroom. Also includes specific techniques for promoting change and evaluating results.

Tip # 2: Your willingness to talk to them about the value, the wisdom, and the prudence you have gained from taking risks.

Take the Risk: Learning to Identify, Choose, and Live with Acceptable Risk . Once you open this book it is difficult to put it down. I enjoyed this book immensely. It is the best book Dr. Carson has written. His comprehensive analysis of risks, Best/Worst Analysis,(B/WA) is thorough yet simple. I highly recommend this book. His description of his experiences with Laleh and Ladan Bijani, 21-year-old twins that were conjoined at the back of the head, were very moving, and it showed that he takes appropriate risks everyday in his profession as a pediatric neurosurgeon, and we should too.

Think Big: Unleashing Your Potential for Excellence . This book is for you if your life is a series of shattered dreams. This book is for you if you have no dreams at all. It's for you if you've bought the lie that you'll never amount to anything. That's not true. Your life is BIG---far bigger than you've imagined. Inside these pages lie the keys to recognizing the full potential of your life. You won't necessarily become a millionaire (though you might), but you will attain a life that is rewarding, significant, and more fruitful than you ever thought possible.

Instant Guts!: How to Take a Risk and Win in Every Area of Your Life . Instant Guts! is a powerfully moving 70 minute audiotape that will inspire you to take intelligent risks in business, creativity, and relationships. Apply it to your ears to promote courage, inner strength, and determination. After listening, you'll know how to identify the best risks for you to take, the exact steps to launch you into action, how to beat the 10 big excuses that often hold us back, and how to make your fear, anxiety and past mistakes work for you. Above all, it will show you how to make risk-taking easier, faster, and more enjoyable than you ever thought possible

Tip #3: Share this quote with your child, “You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."--Mary Pickford, 1893-1979, Actress and producer

When God Winks on New Beginnings: Signposts of Encouragement for Fresh Starts and Second Chances. "GodWinks" are the so-called circumstances and that are delivered directly to you, one of nearly seven-billion people on the planet, at particularly needed moments in your life. Like the wink you received from a loved one as a child that meant, "Hey, kid, I'm thinking of you right now," . . . GodWinks are messages of encouragement from above.

Beyond Success and Failure: Ways to Self-Reliance and Maturity. I originally found this book in the basement of my local public library doing volunteer work. It consumed me as much as I consumed it. It redirected my life and after reading it I felt better and clearer about every decision I made. It has changed me for the better. I can't wait to rediscover it again. (I'm ordering it again!) I only wish I could thank Willard and Marguerite Beecher myself. Enjoy!

The Power of Failure: 27 Ways to Turn Life's Setbacks into Success . “Failure” is one of the most dreaded words in the English language. The very idea of failing is enough to stop most people in their tracks. It can cause the majority to simply pack up, turn around and retreat without even trying. Yet it is through seeming failure that most of life’s greatest successes are achieved The Power of Failure is designed to provide simple yet profound ways to turn seeming failures into successes. It contains practical prescriptions for successfully meeting some of life’s most common setbacks.

Tip #4: That you will not define your worth or your intelligence by a failure.

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth . Learning to love yourself is a journey to self worth. According to the author, it is necessary for us to get rid of our toxic self-defeating messages, and choose positive changes. The author shows you new perspectives and guides you to a higher self-worth so that finally you can learn to love yourself.

The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth. Using a series of true/false questionnaires, case studies and analytical observation, Aron identifies the masks and self-defense strategies we use unconsciously to deal with traumatic events, and how those strategies affect self-worth. Topics under consideration include dreams, the specter of the Inner Critic, and self-sabotaging behavior like the Protector-Persecutor paradigm. Though the material can be hard to grasp, dedicated rereading will give readers a sophisticated understanding of low self-esteem, and concrete steps to improve it.

Maximum Self-Esteem: The Handbook for Reclaiming Your Sense of Self-Worth . I have throughly enjoyed Maximum Self Esteem, and have bought copies for all my children and grandchildren. I think it explains in simple words ideas that we should keep in mind in our everyday lives. It has helped me deal with issues in my life by putting them in perspective,so that they are no longer problems for me. Although people may read this book for different reasons and interpret it differently, I have not met anyone who could not benefit from the ideas it contains.

Tip #5: That, right now in this very moment, they can take the "badness" off of failure and see it as just a part of learning and of success.

The Everything Self-Esteem Book: Boost Your Confidence, Achieve Inner Strength, and Learn to Love Yourself . If you're looking to completely change how you feel about yourself, The Everything Self-Esteem Book is the perfect guide to help you gain a positive attitude and brim with confidence. Noted speaker and educator Robert M. Sherfield, Ph.D., provides you with encouraging professional advice on how to build self-esteem through developing a positive mindset, defining your personal joys, and learning from and celebrating mistakes.

Kids Are Worth It! : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline. If you don't want to put effort into raising your kids, this is not the book for you. But if you want clear-thinking, responsible kids, and don't mind some effort getting there, you can't have a better reference. Ms Coloroso's advice is clear, and should make you think hard about how you interact with your children. Yes my son is 3 and I'm 30. Yes I'm the parent, but he still has opinions about his life, and some are worth paying attention to.